In the last episode of the CSCs, I gave reasons why us men need to stop being Cap’n Save ‘Em. In this installment, it’s about how we become one in the first place.
Its no set formula for men to find themselves in the unenviable position of being Cap’n Save ‘Em. From nice guys to the jackasses, if we’re not careful, we’ll end up being the Cap’n. Our kindness can get taken for weakness, and if we don’t rectify it, we’ll quietly stew while being used. What many of us don’t want to admit though is we’re the reason we become the Cap.
We may have a twisted view of chivalry. Holding doors, walking on the outside, even pulling chairs out are acceptable. You know what isn’t? Tossing money aside because a woman says she needs it, or getting involved in physical situations because we think our help is needed. Many of us don’t know when to stay in our own lanes. Not every woman we meet is a damsel in distress. As a matter-of-fact, most aren’t nowadays. Yet, it’s still easy to turn into the begrudging hero.
The easiest way to become Cap is to think you can fix all a woman’s problems. Trying to be their all is a set up from the beginning. We don’t know what is transpiring in their lives, but we want to come to the rescue. Let me be the first to say, “bruh, stay in your lane”. It’s not our responsibility to fix anything. If the lady is ours, that’s one thing. But if she isn’t, we shouldn’t take on responsibilities that aren’t ours.
To that point, we can’t get overly invested emotionally with too many damsels either. Making her problems our problems is a sure sign we’ve entered into Cap’n Save ‘Em territory. What bothers her, now goads us into negative thoughts and feelings. This is a perfect example of when the Bible says “guard your heart.” We must be careful to guard ourselves.
Another one of the ways we end up becoming the Cap’n is just by doing too much. We’ll always offer our assistance, or be quick to acquiesce to a lady’s need(s). Soon we become that super dependable guy who’ll always be around when needed. Since now we’re expected to always be there, we can’t say no. And yet again, we did it to ourselves.
To avoid becoming Cap’n Save ‘Em, we men must practice self-preservation. If something doesn’t feel right, we need to let it go. This keeps us out of Cap’n territory, and fresh for when the “one” we’re to navigate with becomes ready. When we find her, we’ll command one ship, instead of trying to lead a gaggle of them.