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Impending Fatherhood Lessons For My Younger Brother

26 Mar

I have two younger brothers.  We have the same father. I never knew how much our decision making processes were the same until my middle brother shared some news with me recently.

At 25, he’s expecting his first child. My oldest daughter was born the day before my 26th birthday, and I was born when my father was 24.

Nevertheless, I didn’t have an older brother to “give me the real” about how life was going to inevitably change. Some of these realizations, I’ve come to through trial and error. The rest are knowledge that’s been shared with me, or that has recently occurred to me.

1. Life isn’t over, but it will be on hiatus for a while.

While preparing for the baby’s arrival, get as much stuff done, whatever it may be, as possible. The impending birth should be your main focus. Right after that is anything you want to accomplish i.e., finishing college, or that last hurrah with the fellas. It’ll be a good year or more before some normalcy returns.

2. While working to keep the stress level of your girl/fiancé/wife down, do the same for yourself.

Because she’s “with child”, her total health (mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical) must be considered. You don’t want anything to affect her too much, because it will affect the baby also. At the same time, remember that you’ll be going through changes as well. Don’t forget to take care of yourself because she’s going to need you. If you’re overall health suffers, what good will you be to her, or your child?

3. If you have concerns, share them.

It’s said so often, but communication is very important. When it comes to the family y’all have started, talk about what may bother you. She should do the same. Talk about how you want to raise the little bundle. Any fears or uncertainties should also be shared. Being on the same page with the impending life change will greatly enhance y’alls ability to weather the curveballs that life will throw.

4. Since you’ll be the pappy/fiancé/husband, you’re the backstop for your family. Can your shoulders handle the weight?

Admittedly, it’s a tough spot to be. When things are going good, it’s gravy. But when they’re bad, will you be able to handle it? When it’s more month than money, or your girl decides she wants to work part time to enjoy the baby’s first year, what are you going to do? Also understand that you’ll be looked to/at if things are good or bad. It comes with the territory of being a protector and provider.

5. Teamwork really does make the dream work.

As much of a cliche as this statement is, it’s also true. If the two of you can work together, it’ll be easier for both. Where you’re weak, she may be strong. Be humble (and wise) enough to lean on her if you need to. I’m pretty sure she’s going to do the same.

6. No matter how close she is to her folks (especially her mom), make sure she, and you, realize that you two are the baby’s parents.

This is sorta like number 5. Be present and be active for her and the baby. Appreciate the help that will undoubtedly be offered, but be proactive in participating with child care. If you don’t, she may begin to resent you, and some in her family may as well. If “they” do, you’ll have more problems than just an upset lady.

Lastly…

7. Enjoy this journey.

What you’re embarking on is not easy, at all. Some days you’ll want to throw stuff (and people). Other days you’ll wonder how you could be so blessed. It’s all part of the journey of having a family. Your outlook on life will play a big part in how you view the days. Just know that at the end of them, you can only do what’s in your power to. The rest you have to leave up to God.

Good luck!

-D.G.

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9 Comments

Posted by on 03/26/2013 in Life

 

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9 responses to “Impending Fatherhood Lessons For My Younger Brother

  1. roddklever

    03/26/2013 at 9:21 am

    Even though I’m not impending children but I come from a family of women.. 3 older sisters and my mom. I usually left to my own devices and had to find my way I never really had a big brother or a dad to look out for me or lend me a good ear or even a disapproving look. I commend you for being their for your brother and have that open door policy that us black men need so many times in this world. Luckily I have avoided major troubles because my mom always had an open door policy but some aren’t so lucky. Def thank you for sharing keep it up.

     
    • Darrk Gable

      03/26/2013 at 9:27 am

      *Salutes* our father is there, but I know things can be easier to here from someone that’s not a parent. My brother’s a grown man, but if I got any advice for him, or our younger brother, I always try to share. No need in them making the same mistakes I did.

       
      • roddklever

        03/26/2013 at 9:29 am

        Amen man! Definitely believe you. Now imagine being wiser than your siblings and you are younger than them.. Lol

         
      • Darrk Gable

        03/26/2013 at 9:33 am

        I’ve seen that in families. The oldheads don’t want to listen initially. But when crap gets messed up, then they come back and want to hear what the youngsters were saying.

         
  2. Manturity

    03/26/2013 at 12:49 pm

    Great post. My wife and I recently just had our first child and I can totally relate to what is being said in each point. Honest communication and teamwork is critical. With a crying baby, tempers and frustration can go up quickly. I try to keep calm and cool no matter what and come up with the best answer. Thanks for sharing this information!

     
    • Darrk Gable

      03/26/2013 at 2:15 pm

      Congrats on the new addition. Hope the info will be a blessing to you, and other men as well.

       
  3. cbc

    03/26/2013 at 7:57 pm

    You have matured into a great man and awesome father. You, your dad, stepdad, granfathers, and uncles are all men or character. As long as your brother has you for support, he will be fine. Great post. Your girls are blessed they can call you daddy. Love

     

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