A couple of weeks ago, I was reading an article that was at the end of another one of my internet rabbit holes. You know how you can click a link on one page, then another and another, and before you know it, you’ve spent an hour reading things and watching videos? Yup…that’s how I found the article. What caught my attention was how the author presented their arguments as fact, and without seeming to have any insight into how the mind of a married man works. After reading the article, I decide to present a rebuttal, from the mind of at least one married man.
1. Ignoring Problems
There are reasons why a husband may not seem intent on dealing with problems. Just because he ignores them doesn’t mean he wants a divorce. Perhaps he’s already processing them and is working on a solution. How is his woman speaking to him in regards to the problem? Does she come off as attacking and slick-mouthed, or genuinely concerned? Just because a woman doesn’t hear anything about a specific problem doesn’t mean the man isn’t working on a solution.
2. He Is Always Busy
What is the home life like? Is it stressful because of the disconnect between the two people, or is it because of forces outside his control? Men are instilled with the responsibilities of “provide and protect” from an early age. If one or the other can’t be done (usually providing) it can gnaw at the very core of a man. He’ll spend as much time as necessary to get that provider label back. The way he looks at something may be skewed, but he’s not always trying to leave.
3. Changing His Physical Appearance
Let’s say a man is getting older, has gotten flubbery, and doesn’t like what he sees in the mirror. Yes, it does happen to men too. But he starts getting in shape so he can feel better about himself, and better his health. And, and *GASP* he wants to look good for HIS woman. That means he wants to get a divorce? Or could it be his woman’s insecurity about her physical appearance is informing her thoughts about why he’s “all of a sudden” getting his Mr. Olympia on? Hmmm…
4. He’s Lost Those Loving Feelings
Folks assume that men are wired one way, and only respond negatively to affairs of the heart. Well let me let everyone in on a little secret…men try are proactive, but we can be reactionary too. To assume that a man just up and started losing ”those loving feelings” is generally foolish. In a perfect world, maybe, but in the real world, there are things that his woman no doubt did, or is doing, that have fed into her feeling like his feelings are gone. Perhaps checking for the plank in her own eye before looking at the speck in her man’s would be wise.
5. No Action In The Bedroom
For this one, you’ve got to get a wee bit closer. Ready? Ok, here it is…men can get tired of sex. It’s earth shattering news, I know. But wait, there’s more. Weight, stress, age, stress, pressure, stress, and stress can drastically interfere with a man’s libido, as well as desire for sexual contact. Society would have people (women) thinking that men are always ready, willing, and able, and if he’s not then it’s a problem. Guess what, there most likely is a problem, but not one that means a man is done with his relationship.
6. He Doesn’t Want to Spend Time Together
This is one of only two I can’t offer an alternative reason for. The majority of issues that couples face result from the lack of effective communication, and time together, where they can just focus on them. If a man isn’t willing to put energy into either…then there’s definitely problem.
7. New Circle of Friends
If we’re talking about Drake, then “No New Friends” is fine, but we’re not. Maybe a man needs a new set of friends. Perhaps the friends he was hanging out with at first were not good influences and he recognized that, so he has cultivated friendships with people who can enhance him as a person, as well as his relationship.
8. He’s a Workaholic
Let’s assume a man is a workaholic. Is it possible he was one before meeting his significant other? Sure. In some twisted way, was it comforting to her because she knew she had a man who was willing to work as much as need? Probably. So now that “it’s” official, his strong work ethic is a problem? Nope…can’t let it fly.
9. Nasty Comments
“Sticks and stones break your bones, but blah blah…” The biggest load of crap we’re taught as kids. If a man is making nasty comments toward a woman, my general question is, “what did she say to him?” Men can only take but so much slick talk before we’ll respond in kind. Maybe, just maybe a woman should check how she sounds and what she says before getting them panties in a bunch about her man saying something foul.
10. Bad Habits Emerge
Ok, this is the only other one there’s no alternative for. If destructive habits are emerging, the source of ol’ boys’ stress needs to be found…and quickly.
11. He Doesn’t Contribute
If he’s super old-school, a man will probably take out the trash, do the yard work, and give his woman the checkbook and that’s about it. Maybe once in a while he’ll cook just because, and will pull up the slack if his woman is feeling sick. However, most men probably feel like if they’re making most of the money (providing) and ensuring the home front is secure (protecting) then their job is done. If a woman desires help from her man around the home, don’t assume he’ll pick up on it…ask.
12. He’s Never Home
One question: is home someplace that can be refuge for a man, or is it a confined war zone that the world he faces everyday can’t fathom? If he’s not comfortable being home, he won’t be, period.
13. Hidden Phone
Nowadays, many people’s (men and women) phones are the lifeline of their job. If a man is on his phone a lot, and he works in a communication intensive field or he’s always on call, then the phone is necessity. If he’s never given his woman reason to suspect anything, and she know’s the kind of job he has, she needs to breathe easy.
14. He Won’t Compromise
Has he never compromised, or is it recent that he has stopped? Perhaps he’s had enough of his compromising becoming synonymous with him giving in. If he’s always “compromising” to make his woman happy, but…wait for it…he’s not seeing where she compromises, he’ll stop.
15. No Smiles
Maybe he’s had a long day at work, got some bad news, or God forbid, ate some of his woman’s cooking knowing she can’t cook. Whatever the case, just because the man doesn’t smile doesn’t mean he’s looking to check out. There’s probably and underlying reason for it, and finding *that* out will be better for the relationship in the long run.
Did you read the original article? Do you agree or disagree with the original points or the alternatives, or both?